Time to Let Go

Disclaimer:  I am not perfect.  I fall daily, hourly, and by the second.  My thoughts are not always what they should be and my actions sometimes aren't the best.

**Warning: This is a vent session, sorry!**

It's time to say good-bye to our friendship.  I don't say this easily because I cherish friendships and it's so hard to find good friends. 

I will admit that I lost a GREAT friendship.  Although it was probably a mix of both of us but I will take the jist of it because of emotions.  So the above quote, I can testify along with many of us.  Have you lost a friendship that was God given and because of whatever the situation may be parted?  Have you prayed for restoration of that friendship?  I would love to hear success stories. 

This friend/co-worker is a little over 15yrs older but you would think that she is younger by the way she acts.  She is a very sweet person but she is letting her personal life situation control her emotions as well as she is almost 50 years old and is using the "age right of passage" excuse.  What's the "ARP" excuse you ask?  It's when you say, "When you get my age, you have the right to..."; "At my age, I just don't care what I say."; or "I've been through so much at my age...".

She already has that "all about me" personality and for the last 3 years, it's gotten worse.  I try to think about the good things and don't let how she is acting now affect how I feel but I see treating her that way she treats me.  Well I made a comment once and it wasn't nice but she just signed a lease for a new car and the color of the car was a hunter green.  I didn't like the color mainly because I had to get used to it.  She asked if I liked the color of her car and I said no.  Now I would usually be more settle about it but I just flat out said no and she thought that was mean that I said that.

I got her something for Christmas this past year and she only got me something because I got her something but that's besides the point.  The next day she said, thank you for the gift but I don't like re-gifting gifts but I'm trying to figure out who I could give your gift to.  I really don't like the smell of the lotion and body wash because of the sandlewood.  I was so shocked and hurt that I just agreed and went with the flow.  Then the following day, she gives me a gift and said I know you are going to like your gift because I like it.  I wanted to say so bad, I bet I will but I need a gift to give away to someone else and I'm going to do that but I didn't.

Her birthday was last week, on the same day as a going away party for another co-worker.  So they both got gifts.  Not a thank you for my gifts but as soon as the other co-worker came in to thank me for her gifts and cards, she came in and said thanks for the card, it was great.  We'll the card isn't as great as I normally pick out, which I told her that but she insisted it was.It just didn't feel sincere.

Today when I came in, a co-worker said oh, you got a new doo and attitude huh!  I said I did get a new doo but not a new attitude.  Well she leaves her office, comes to my door and looks at me and then leaves to go talk with the other worker.  Then 5 mins later, she comes back to my office and looks at me again and then walks away to her office.  Inside, I was thinking really?  I can't believe she is doing this.  Then about an hour and a half later she comes back to my office and says, your hair does what my hair does in this kind of weather.  You probably had good curls yesterday...and I interrupt and said no, I didn't have good curls yesterday.  I couldn't believe what was coming out of her mouth.  JUST DON'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL, your ACTIONS said enough!!  As she walked aways, she just repeated what I said about not having any curls on Sunday.

I know there are ups and downs to friendship and I've told her about the ways she's been acting and how it's unfair to everyone in the office and how she is not the only one going through things.  We all do but we don't bring it to work.  She said she knows that she is acting different but proceeded to talk about all the work she has to do and everything else.  Side note:  She has a staff of 5.  I have a staff of 1 (me).  And sometimes they have a staff of 6 because I'm helping them out alot but I have to beg to get assistance from them.

I say it's time because I've given all I can.  I've given advice, after advice, after advice but there comes a point when you have to stand and walk it out on your own (a message that I need to adhere to myself).  I give her advice all the time but she goes to alot of people to get advice and they tell her the exact same thing I so and when she tells me, it's like it's the first time she heard it and I always tell her.  It sounds like something I mentioned to you.  She says she knows but...

When I leave, saying good-bye will not be hard.  I'm ready and have had enough.  Once I'm gone and God is ready to move in the friendship, I won't resist but right now.  It's good-bye until we meet again and I'll be praying for you.

I must make a vow that I will NOT become my surrounding and let the Love of the Lord shine through me even when my flesh wants to knock people out take over.  I think that maybe I'm reaping what I've sowed in friendship.  Whatever is going on, I must stand and be kind.

I continue to think about how I've acted in friendships lost BUT I've been forgiven and many times it's hard for me to forgive myself.  I must use mercy just like my heavenly father has done for me and also use the wisdom he has given me.

Thank you Lord for friendships.  Thank you for allowing us to connect with one another on this earth while we wait to be in your presence.  We can only be who we think we are and I thank you that I am your daughter.  Royality.  Help me Lord to walk in royality and the most you have for my life.  Lord, bring those friendships in my life that will uplift me and I them.  Help me to forgive just like you have forgiven me.  Forgive me Lord for the unkindness I exhibit.  Help me to be a better friend and sow the seeds of a good and Godly friend.  Strenghten and increase my friendship circle according to the plans for my life.  I pray for restoration of those friendships that need to be restored.  I pray that they be better than before and friends will walk in true forgiveness.  In Jesus name, Amen.