Things happen for a reason and my car breaking down I think was suppose to happen so we could talk. Tuesday, we were suppose to workout. I had been sitting in the car for 15 mins waiting. I couldn't believe this was happening again, me just sitting in the car waiting on him. If that wasn't a sign of where I really stand with him, then I don't know what is. It's been happening alot to me, at least a 10 min waiting and who would do that to a friend?
The talk we had was needed but it didn't change anything. So I write today confused of why did it happen. I love heart to heart talks. The situation that happened affected our friendship. I should of asked what was his interpretation of the situation that happened and how he felt. I think now, we should have talked about it. It was clearly that hurtful that it's ending our friendship.
Forgiveness is a strange thing. I have forgiven him for soooo many things or I will overlook things that were hurtful. I've cried many of times for things done or words said by him but I forgave...why...because I loved him. I have always put him first in everything, the love I had/have for him did that.
I'm sad because I couldn't be what he wanted, I couldn't be what he needed...in reality, I wouldn't want me if I was a guy too.
I hate that our friendship has to end this way but there probably wasn't going to be any non-hurtful way to say good-bye. I'm losing my heart, not a part of it or someone close but the one I thought should be Boaz, the one who put a smile on my face and in my heart, and I could go on but it's hurting my heart just thinking about it.
I loved him...I thought he was the one...Living seems pointless...
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