Am I Ready?

I'm going to start out in a song.  I believe songs speak to our spirit and can describe what we are thinking or going through.

I wish so often that Boaz was here holding me. I long for the time that we can pray together, play together and praise together.

  I want to grow with you, I want to run to you when I'm cold and blue,

I want to look into your eyes and see the love for me that you cannot hide. 

I long for our talks, our walks and just to be near to hear your thoughts. 

I want to be able to run to you and feel safe and for you to know what's wrong by the look on my face. 

I need for you to understand, I need for you to be my man. 

I'm ready for you to guide me with God and prayer, to make this marriage work for now and later.

Side note:  That's all me right there. I just made that up.  I need to copyright that bad boy!

Man, my thoughts sound all nice that it makes you want to roll that dice BUT am I really ready.  My answer is no.

My answer is clear and it's hard to hear but it's true because I still have some loving to do.

How can I allow someone else to love me when I struggle to love myself? How can I believe that he thinks I'm beautiful when I don't.  How can I see what he sees in me when I can't see what my Father sees.

It's not that I don't hear people tell me that I'm "pretty", "beautiful", "a good catch", however in reality I believe that people can just be nice.  I've always prayed that I would be able to see me how God sees me.  Not just outwardly but inwardly.  We can be our biggest hinderance.  

I get a glimpse occasionally of my outwardly beauty.  Just enough to keep me off the ledge. These are a few pics that I've seen in me what others say they see.  Most of these photos have only been from the last 3-4 years.  I know, I've lived my whole life feeling "unpretty". 

It really is a struggle not feeling comfortable in your own skin.  Unfortunately (I think) it has prohibited me from ultimately walking in my potential destiny and really allowing my dreams to become realities.

As I walk this path of being an overcomer of low-self esteem, I speak words of affirmation into my life.  In order for me to believe what others say and see, I have to for myself.  It's a struggle but all I can do is take one day at a time and keep my focus on God and believe that in due time it will work out accordingly.

Lord prepare me so that I may be ready.

I'm standing on Jer. 29:11.