I Hate Good-byes

One of the hardest things I had to do tonight is say good-bye to my Bestfriend!

I have always been pretty much a loner or floater.  I was never one of those people who was in a certain "click".  I tend to get along with everyone, didn't matter who you were, I was going to talk to you even if you didn't want to talk to me.

I hate good-byes and I don't want to lose him but the only time we talked was at work and then Masta wouldn't let us.  We went from hanging everyday 24/7 to only talking on Tues/Thurs at work and that was a maybe.  Those were the most happiest times for me was when we got to talk.

I've always wanted a Best friend like most people but it just never seemed to work for me.  But when he came along, it was perfect.  It was like I knew him all my life.  He understood, he didn't judge me but accepted me for me.  We were inseparable.  Everything that I thought a Best friend should be was right here.  I felt at times like he was my soul mate because of how close we were.  Then it all changed so fast.

I understand it was "his time" and I'm really trying not to hate.  It's nothing against him at all.  I know I say this but I love everything about him.  My emotions are everywhere right now.  I just don't want to feel like this anymore.

He's moved on and he's happy, why can't I do the same?  Why didn't he try?  Why didn't he love me how I loved him?  What's wrong with me?  I get into these moods because I feel like I lost the best thing that had happened to me.

I've always believed in God's word and always guarded my heart.  I don't know what happened and I don't really understand why it happened.  I think I know.  This whole situation makes me not want to ever give my heart to anyone.  If I had anything to do with it, I wouldn't.

I don't even want anyone else.  I just want him.  The love I have for him, I want for God.  I didn't know that I could love someone so much.  It amazes me so.

I hate good-byes he really was my Bestfriend. I told him everything, more than I usually share and I always feel prompted to share but I guess it will be just me and this blog.  It's sooooo hard and I'm learning to adjust.  I will start writing and then erase it because he has a life now and doesn't have time for me and my non-sense.  That's how I feel anyways.

I have so many thoughts and feelings right now that I'm going to stop because I probably shouldn't write them.  I don't want any regrets.

I hope tomorrow and this weekend will be better and I get some peace about everything before I start my new job on Monday.