Is It Real, Freedom!

I feel free, I feel freedom...

Man, to really know what freedom is and what it feels like.  I've experienced that in my transition.  I've wanted to know what true freedom feels like and I'm living in it right now.  I'm so grateful and blessed that it's unreal.  You know that feeling of when everything is going right and feeling right and you wonder when is "IT" going to hit.  You know that saying, it's too good to be true...Yep, I'm there.  I can't believe how good I feel and excited I am to get up and go to work.

I hope and pray that the site they put me on runs as smoothly or even better than the one I'm training at.  Reggie has a good team of people and they make working fun.  Of course you have those problems, which I've already seen but he's a good supervisor and his team looks up to him.  I am a little nervous coming in mid point to a school and team that's been basically running itself and establishing leadership.  That's where you can either make or break your job.  So I'm praying for God's favor in the school and my staff.

I'm so excited that I'm happy.  Well in my job life.  Now the other area, not so much.  I really miss my buddy, my ride or die, my ace boon, my bestie with the cute chesty, my other half, my smile, my memory...I could go on.  I miss seeing his face, hearing his voice, hearing how his day is, hearing the excitement in his voice when he talks about his passion, helping him with his goals...I miss everything about him.

I'm hoping this new job will help me not to ponder on the memories of him, the things I miss and so on.  I feel like I need to delete his pictures and the memories because I look at them EVERY single day. Why because I miss him EVERY single day.  He is my regret but I have to believe that God has someone for me.  No he may not be exactly like him but he will be perfect for me.  I felt that my bestie was perfect for me.  I thought he was perfect.  Even though I still  have hopes that just maybe he is the one and later down the road it will work out (it makes it even harder when my friends are trying to be supported of me and say nice things like this and say we looked cute together or we looked perfect but in reality it hurts so much and I just smile but later cry about it)...I know that he loves his girlfriend and he believes she's the one for him.  So I still stand happy for him as much as it literally hurts me to see them together, to see pictures of her and to hear him talk about her or them.  I suck it up because he's my friend.  However, I can't help to think that he doesn't look happier with her, she's not taking care of him as she should but that's not for me to dwell on.  This is my weak area right now in my life and I think the devil and along with my own flesh attacks me in this area.  One day I will be strong and I will be able to not be hurt at the fact that we are not together.

I've been slacking with writing what I'm thankful for even though I think about it everyday.

Day 15:  I was thankful for great weather and being able to enjoy it.  I just sat onside on my stoop and enjoyed the fall weather, the sun, and the beautiful colors.

Day 16: I'm thankful for our country, the soldiers that fight for our freedom, people who put up these flags because this area was so beautiful.  I'm sure it was just up for Veteran's Day.

Day 17: I was thankful for another day off.  I felt so free and just wanted to be me.  So this was me on Sunday.

Day 18: I was thankful for new beginnings and my first day on my new job.  It was a great day and everyone was so nice.

Day 19: I was thankful for all the accomplishments at my other job.  Listening to other new co-workers and the things they are or were doing made me think of my last job and the things I did.  I'm super excited that I can continue the work.

Day 20: Today, I was thankful that I could go home during mid-day and catch up on Vam Di, eat lunch with past co-workers, and take a nap.  I'm really going to like this job!

Well I have to get up early and check out the morning shift and see how that works.  So off to bed because I have to be at the school by 6:45a.  I'm actually super excited about it.  I hope I can get some sleep.