I will be attempting to complete this for the month of July. I seen this on pinterest but the website linked from is called Fat Mum Slim. You can share photo's on her facebook page or her shuttercal but we will see how much time I have to do that. My goal is to get through the month and share on here.
Dear Blue God, I cry enough for me every night but tonight I lay my selfishness down and cry for someone I love. The control freak I am wants to make it better but only you and them can weather this storm together. I'm not perfect although I try to be but again I come to you down on my knees not for me but for a friend in need.
I Cry 4 U
Tonight my heart is sadden.
Is it because I let that lad in?
I opened my heart and began to care,
I know some may be asking, How do you dare?
Sometimes it’s not a choice but apart of the Master's plan,
But now I’m on this emotional roller coaster and I’m not laughin’.
Lord I pray that your arms come down to hold him,
And never let go until you console him.
I’m down on my knees standing in the gap,
That’s what you do when you have a friend you love like that.
I love you boo more than you know,
I hope you understand you don’t have to travel this road alone!
Seen this as a status and it made me laugh. Waiting for Boaz so we can work on our A,B and F positions. However, right now, I usually sleep like D. I'm a cuddler and anyone who is going to sleep in the same bed as me WILL have me touching them in some aspect. I can't help it.
With my wildness, Boaz may end up like E. Haha!
That's why I'm an advocate for the air being on high at night. It gives me more of a reason to cuddle, LOVE IT!!
Today was such an amazing day. I pressed forward and went to a different church this morning and it was A-mazing!!!! I really enjoyed the Pastor. He brought the Eelogy at my little cousin's funeral on Friday and when I left, my first thought was, I need to go check out his church. Thank you Lord for seeing ME (looking past my flaws, imperfections, and sinful nature).
Just me enjoying the day the Lord has made!
I'm sure you heard of the play, "I can do bad all by myself", well for me personally that is so true (different meaning from what the play is meaning). Some people tend to lean toward peer pressure and get into trouble. I can do bad literally all by myself. It's kind of hard, I love being by myself but I don't because of the things that I do.
As I struggled with my flesh on Saturday, I'm really glad that God woke me up and I pressed forward today. Even though I do so much wrong (I think) in my life, God sees my heart. Sometimes it's hard for me to realize that.
The Lord spoke through the Pastor today about my situation and of course God is on point. I love how He knows those things that go on in my thoughts when I haven't shared with anyone. This exhortation came on time!!
I didn't want to go home after the bridal shower today so I made a little pit stop to the Kauffman Memorial Garden. I've always wanted to stop and check it out and what a great HOT day to do that and spend some time with God.
It was so beauty to see the flowers, fountains and scenery. I got to sit in the nice shade on the grass and just enjoy myself and think about things. There are some hotspots in KC and I need to do like I did today and just go. I keep saying, "I want to or I need to" and I secretly sometimes say, I want to do that with Boaz but tomorrow is not promised to us, shoot the next breath isn't. I don't even know if Boaz is in God's plan for my life so I need to just do and see the things right in town that I keep pushing off.
Thank you Lord for the beauty of this world, for showing us how much you care for us in so many ways. Thank you for loving me for me.
It's not "normal" to tell the peeps you are related to and live 6 miles down the road from, see you next month (at the next ceremony). I'm yelling, THAT'S NOT CUTE!! I thank the Lord for giving me that extra strength to handle people in my life and to ultimately make the best of the situation (even though I have a hissy fit beforehand).
I really miss being in close proximity to my Mom and Sister. Also, my family that lived here and moved to ATL, I miss them soooo much. I struggle listening to people who have their immediate family here and they don't see them or they complain to me about petty things (I think) such as:
1.My kids always want me to cook dinner for them. I'm tired of always cooking. They're grown and should be cooking for me.
I can't wrap my mind around for holidays that you eat alone because there was a argument about who was going to cook, buy the food or where to eat. I eat alone on holidays because I have no one here and my money is funny and distance prohibits the visits. However, these last few years I have driven over 10-17 hrs just to have holidays with my family (where I help buy food and help cook...Come on family) and some people can't drive 10 mins. That ain't right (In my Chris Rock National Security voice)
Family is important to me and when I have my own family, I want that bond that I invision for my family now. My mother enjoys cooking dinner for my sister and I or anyone for that matter. We talked about how if she was closer, we could do the Sunday dinner at her house. She misses those times too.
2.My kid will only come over when I ask to take out the trash or help around the house.
3.I put a sign on my door for my family because they don't know when to go home when they come and visit so I don't open the door.
Well you would hate me as a family member because I know I don't. It's so sad because I do this with my friends. I just enjoy being around them so much that I don't want to leave. That's probably why I'm a nerd.
I appeciate my friends so much. I try not to bother them too much because many of them have their own life and families. However, if it wasn't for them, I don't know how I would survive and still be sane. God has definitely been my provider and I'm so grateful for the people he has put in my path. I just hope that I can be as much of a blessing to them as they have been to me.
I have to apologize to my friends for being so overly. I really don't mean to be such a bother at times, it's just that you are my family and lifeline.
This is my theme song for MY family when it happens. I understand that struggles are going to happen but we are family...blood...We should and must be there for one another, forgive each other and make the best of every situation.
I'm going to start out in a song. I believe songs speak to our spirit and can describe what we are thinking or going through.
I wish so often that Boaz was here holding me. I long for the time that we can pray together, play together and praise together.
I want to grow with you, I want to run to you when I'm cold and blue,
I want to look into your eyes and see the love for me that you cannot hide.
I long for our talks, our walks and just to be near to hear your thoughts.
I want to be able to run to you and feel safe and for you to know what's wrong by the look on my face.
I need for you to understand, I need for you to be my man.
I'm ready for you to guide me with God and prayer, to make this marriage work for now and later.
Side note: That's all me right there. I just made that up. I need to copyright that bad boy!
Man, my thoughts sound all nice that it makes you want to roll that dice BUT am I really ready. My answer is no.
My answer is clear and it's hard to hear but it's true because I still have some loving to do.
How can I allow someone else to love me when I struggle to love myself? How can I believe that he thinks I'm beautiful when I don't. How can I see what he sees in me when I can't see what my Father sees.
It's not that I don't hear people tell me that I'm "pretty", "beautiful", "a good catch", however in reality I believe that people can just be nice. I've always prayed that I would be able to see me how God sees me. Not just outwardly but inwardly. We can be our biggest hinderance.
I get a glimpse occasionally of my outwardly beauty. Just enough to keep me off the ledge. These are a few pics that I've seen in me what others say they see. Most of these photos have only been from the last 3-4 years. I know, I've lived my whole life feeling "unpretty".
It really is a struggle not feeling comfortable in your own skin. Unfortunately (I think) it has prohibited me from ultimately walking in my potential destiny and really allowing my dreams to become realities.
As I walk this path of being an overcomer of low-self esteem, I speak words of affirmation into my life. In order for me to believe what others say and see, I have to for myself. It's a struggle but all I can do is take one day at a time and keep my focus on God and believe that in due time it will work out accordingly.
As my heart is heavy tonight for numerous reasons, I say Thank you Lord for letting me see my advancements for the best. Thank you Lord for allowing me to see glimpse of your people. Lord, help me to help them.
Lord help me to not be the problem in my life and others.
I'm at a place now in my life where I can see how anger can do more damage to my future than my past. I will say that I'm not walking anger free but I'm glad I'm not where I use to be. Walking in total forgiveness is hard especially when we have to be the "bigger" person or when we are dealing with family members.
As I sit and watch the past control my son. I hurt. I'm sadden. I feel helpless. I want him to see but I don't know how to show him that this bondage he's in is really doing more harm than good. I haven't lived his life but I understand the anger, hurt, and abandonment on some levels that he's been through.
I definitely don't want to give kuddos to the enemy but I'm aware he has a job to do and he's on it. He has come to steal, kill and destroy. If we are not careful, we can get so caught up that we see no light at the end of the tunnel.
I want to take away his hurt and pain but I know that only God can do that but first he has to release and move forward with time. It sounds easy and I guess logistically it is but I think in reality it's harder than it seems. I've just realized that probably 2 weeks ago, I've seen how I've grown in this area and I've been moving forward. Now I'm not perfect and those unforgiving tendancies and memories arise but I have to make the choice not to dwell on them and to do what is right which is ultimately what God would do or want me to do. I will admit that I get in the way many of times of doing what is right and I know in the end, I am only hurting myself. However, as long as I don't get stuck in the mode, I can have hope that it will get better.
This is my prayer not only for myself but for my son. No need to explain, it says it all. Amen.
Carrying a blankie or sucking thumb, we all do something or have done something that makes us feel at ease.
So often we can get stuck in our comfort zone and not move. This ultimately will block us from growing in life and being where we should be.
I'm all about being comfortable, Ms. Jeans and a T-shirt 24/7 if I could. Ms. Let's just stay at home and not come out.
I've come out of my comfort zone alot in certain areas and then there are some that it's taken a little long mainly because of fear. Before tonight, I could name off all these different types of fears that I think keeps me in my box BUT God just whispered to me, it's the fear of being vulnerable (this can be a posting all by itself). This has been a reminder for me lately (it reminds of my son)...
Now there are some key things that I want and for the longest I've thought it wasn't mine to have nor give to myself. Just within the last couple of weeks, I've been believing that I have more power to get those items than I've lead myself to believe. One way is to definitely step out of my comfort zone.
Stepping out of my comfort zone, I'm realizing doesn't mean I have to give up everything that makes me comfortable.
There is a saying that says, "If you want something you've never had, you must do something you've never done. For my spiritual growth, I think about this quote alot and try to change in areas of my life.
Staying in your comfort zone vs Living in a box, is it different or the same? As I ponder this more, I will have to let you know what I decide. The living in a box question goes along with a post a wrote awhile back about living life.
Until we meet again, I challenge you to do something outside of your comfort zone.
As we go through life and get older, we come to realization that our life may not have been the best. Who do we compare that too? TV, friends, other people or just by how we thought we should grow up.
One thing that most of us agree on is that we want our children to have a better life than our own. We can always point out the struggles in our life as a kid and how it might have been unfair or just plain horrible. Believe me, I have my share of struggles and if I think about it long enough, it can eat away at me from the inside.
As much as we don't want to turn out like our parents. I'm sure they weren't praying, Lord let my children by just like me. Let them parent just like me. I'm sure they had the same thought as we do then. They just like many of us parent how they think and thought was best for us at that time. Many of us can look back and say, Man my parents were not good parents, or ask why did that make that choice and the list could go on. Well just like us or will be most of us...they parented the best they knew how. Granted sometimes it wasn't the best but we made it.
I believe that we are going to have some tendencies good and bad that we get from our parents. However, that should not hinder our thinking of our own life. I believe that each generation has the power within to break that bloodline (curse).
No we are not going to be able to do it on our own. We are going to need the power of God to help break some of those chains, bandages and scars that have left us bondaged by our past.
Time to get your praise on, your dancing shoes out and a shout in that voice, get your BREAKTHROUGH! We are claiming victory for our future. Thank you Lord.
It was such a blessing to see my dad on Father's Day. He was in town for my cousin's wedding and it worked out that it was also Father's Day weekend.
This is the card that I made for him from my sister and I. I got the ideal from pinterest but made it my own once I couldn't find certain candies. He was super tickled and so were the other family members. It was alot of fun making the card and I'm glad he really enjoyed it. I also made one for the maintenance men at work and they loved it too.
I know people who enjoy receiving gifts but I will have to admit. I enjoy giving gifts. I have a hard to receiving myself but take delight in making things for other people to give. It's even more rewarding when they are pleased with what you worked so hard on.
My dad is one of those guys who never meets a stranger. He is super friendly and has a big heart, no pun intended. I say that as he has congestive heart failure due to an enlarged heart. My dad is also struggling with other sickness and daily declining. However, he is still concerned with everyone else.
I worry about him all the time and wish sometimes that I lived closer so he could get the correct health attention he needs. It's hard watching him go to the University hospital and get intern doctors after intern doctors and they all have a different diagnosis for him. This is one of the struggles people go through without insurance. Because his health is so bad, he doesn't qualify for insurance however that has to be something that can be done and that's what I wish I could be in Oklahoma to help out. Unfortunately, when you are dealing with the system, you need to do alot of foot work and door pounding.
I love my dad and pray that the Lord continues to keep his arms around him. I pray that the Lord will send angels in his path to encourage him on those rough days and continue to keep him uplifted. Thank you Lord for his life.
I've been sitting here tonight in shock. My Pastor's dad passed away Tuesday, a young lady at my church passed from a Seizure on a mission trip, and now my cousin Julius Jovon Floyd II aka JuJu aka Michael's twin.
Lord, in these situations we want to ask "WHY" but I seem to want to say Thank you for the time our family had with him. Although I wasn't close but we are family and I love each and every one of them. They have my heart more than they know.
As I struggle with the grieving process, I can only do what I know to do and that's Pray and Praise. I thank you Lord that you are a Great Big God who knows and sees all. You are with us during happy times and sad times. Thank you for being a God who gives life. I know that the enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy and although he is doing what he is called to do, I thank you that you are waiting with your arms open for our loved ones. Thank you for welcoming JuJu with open arms.
I pray for Ang, Julius, and Aunt Kathy right now as well as family and friends. Lord only you can give peace that passes all understanding. I believe that your grace and mercy is more than enough and as my family is grieving, I pray that you wrap your loving arms around each and every one of them. Comfort Lord like only you can. Let them know that you are there.
I rebuke satan's plans of negative thoughts or plans that try to come up against them. Hear our hearts Lord, hear their cries Oh God.
Lord I thank you for Angela. You called her for this time and purpose and Lord I seen her love and strength for her son and family. Increase her strength now more than ever to move forward. Lord help her to cherish the memories of her son and may they be pleasing. Surround her with Godly people that will lift her up in those times that she needs it and that will listen or give her advice. Thank you for the calling on Ang's life. Continue to order her steps.
I lift up Jaida and Journey to you Lord. Send your angels to encourage them, not only during this time but everytime they think of their brother. Give them understanding and Joy that only you can give.
Lord, we thank you for hearing our prayers, cries, and hearts. In Jesus Name, Amen.
I will end with a memory that I still think about of JuJu. We went to go visit Ang at the house and of course Ju just had on his underwear but we ended up playing the Michael Jackson Wii game and he was an allstar. We just laughed as he danced and moved.
Ang, you have a calling on your life and this is only the beginning. Use this Michael song to encourage you. Michael also sung, you are not alone and you are not. You have started this journey for Ju and now for others to become aware. Let the healing process begin...I Love You!
So often we get so complacent in life that we just start going through the motions of life. We stop doing things for the "first time". We may go see a new move or try a new restaurant but not so often.
I try to expose my clients to new first time experiences and love it. It's such an amazing feeling to see someone's face and experience their happiness when they try or do something for the first time.
These experiences don't have to cost alot nor do you need to travel far. Last week at work, I borrowed a small swimming pool and water toys and we had water war. We've had water balloon fights but we've never just had full out water war on-site and it was all free.
This is one of my kids who graduated high school, so I took him and a friend out to eat. I took them to Outback. They had NEVER been nor have they NEVER been to Oak Park Mall. They were like that's what it looks like. We had them try sweet potato fries and they both loved it and they couldn't believe it.
These moments makes me so thankful.
Since my son and I've been connected, I've been experiencing alot of his first with him. I so love it. This must be how parents feel when they take their kids to places for the first time. Son hasn't been alot of places nor experienced some of the things that I take for granted. He doesn't know but I experienced a first with him and it really shocked me. Thank you Lord for letting me advance out of my box.
Last month, we went to the movies to go see Men in Black 3. One of our theaters had a makeover and I've been wanting to go since I heard about it. I have heard nothing but great things since the makeover. Now before, it was kind of yucky. Son had never been to the theater so he had nothing to compare it too. We walk in and our jaws drop. He thought we were in the wrong theater.
We traveled to Nebraska/Iowa to visit my sister and it was a first for him to go there. We both experienced a first together, the Omaha zoo. I've been wanting to go forever and I'm so glad that I got to experience it with my son. We experienced the Pedestrian bridge together for the first time and Oh boy was that an experience with the storms coming in. For me, it will be a day to remember. I hope to go back to the bridge with son soon. Especially with a working camera.
I got to be there for his first concert experience. Fred Hammond, Mary Mary, and Jessica Reedy. Our seats were perfect.
Friday night, we went to the drive-in. He's never done that before. Wowzer! It's just so shocking but honored that I could be there with him. It was such a perfect night to attend. We went and saw Madagascar 3 and Battleship. Which Battleship started watching me. I wanted his experience to be memoriable, so I bought pizza and all kinds of junk food. We got skittle wasted. The riddle skittles and blended skittles are my new fav!
Last night, we went to the Plaza and they have street artists on every corner. There was an caricature artist and you can tell son really wanted a drawing of himself. He said he's been wanting to do this foreverrrrrrr (in my sandlot voice). He was so proud of the finished product. It made the trip to the plaza so worth it just to see his smile.
I can't say this enough. I'm so thankful that God allowed our paths to cross. I really needed son's friendship at this time of my life. He is such a beautiful person inside and out. His friendship is a reminder to me to step out of my comfort zone and experience things for the first time. There are things that I haven't done and opportunities for me to do them.
Just 18yrs ago, I was holding her in my arms and changing her diapers. Now she is a young lady who is going off to college in the fall.
My little cousin graduated with honors from high school last weekend in Atlanta. I went down for the week to for my vacay help out.
The moved to Atlanta a year ago but before they were in the same city. I miss them so much. Some of you may or may not remember but I started blogging about them so other family members could see my little cousins them and get a good laugh because they were hilarious. After they moved, I started this blog.
As soon as I stepped off the plan in Hotlanta, I felt like I was melting. It was super hot. Hince the name. I was so happy to be back around them. It was like nothing had ever changed. I love them all so much.
I went down with my hair a hot mess. Weaves and ladies going natural is real big in Atlanta. My aunt had no idea on where to go so the next day, I took the car and traveled the roads of Atlanta and found a place and made an appt. There literally was a hair place on every corner.
I took pictures of the kids last day.
Last day as a High Schooler
Last day as a 7th grader
Doesn't she look super little to be a senior and graduating? Then J, he was struggling on his last day of school. He couldn't find his other show. He looked for 30 mins. I finally found it down at the end of the stairway. It was so funny.
After the first day I was there, I ended up not being able to walk. My heel was hurting so bad that it prohibited me from walking for 3 days. My fam said it could have been the shoes I was wearing and no support. It was the first day I wore flip flops for the season. But I normally wear flats so who knows. I do know that it was awful. I wanted to cry because there was so much I wanted to do but couldn't.
My Mom, Pookie and I went to go get mani/pedi's. Pookie never had either so it was awesome to be with her for her first time. However, the place we went did an awful job. I normally don't complain but my Mom and Pookie's names were bad. My mom had to get her whole hand redone.
We went to the hair store as my mom wants to go natural and wanted to get weave in her head and get it done. I bought my first wig ever. I was in love when I saw it. Now my mom on the other hand didn't take kindly too it. I can't wait until I get to wear it. The lady that was helping me was like girl this goes good with your eyes. Now it's not too often that I can see what other people see in the color of my eyes. Depending on what I'm wearing, it highlights my eyes and then I see what other people see and get so tickled. I also liked the second one too but just couldn't break myself to pay this much for these wigs. Only in ATL for a couple of days and got sucked into the "Unbeweavable" hype.
The day before graduation, we just hung out and had laughs. Pookie went and tried on her outfits from different events that we missed while she was in school and the shoes she wore. Of course I was taking pictures and she was so stiff (like her cousin). She they told her to move like Beyonce and it was stinkin' hilarious but she was too cute. What she wanted for graduation was to get weave in her hair. Now she already has beautiful long hair but that is what she wanted. She was so funny and cute and she knew she was.
Graduation day was here!! Pookies graduation was outside on the field on their football field. Let me be the first to say that they need to rethink how they do their graduation. First it was too hot. People were passed out everywhere due to dehydration. There were people on the ground, under trees and in the shade hooked up to IV's. I seen at least 2 ambulances and one came in as I was just getting there. Second, the graduating class was in the middle of the field and we were way in the stands, you couldn't see anyone and you felt so distant. And Third, there was no parking. We had to park it felt like a mile away.
Pookie is such a great child. She really didn't ask for anything for graduation and that's how she has always been. She's real cautious of money and doesn't want to burden the family. Not the norm for sure. My mom, sister and I got her prepared for college with the personal care items, bedding and towels. I special ordered (thirty-one) a small utility tote with monogrammed with her initials that she can use as a shower caddy. I made her a book, video, ragged flip flops with her college colors, and with help from mom and roll of money coming out of a kleenex box (from pinterest). That was the big hit and so much fun. J wanted to take a picture of it since he thinks he's a gangsta. Then he was better than anyone with making it rain money over Pookie. We were all shocked. I asked him how he learned how to do that and he said from watching videos and his dad isn't that good because he doesn't go to strip clubs. I love him.
Overall it was a great week and I surely did not want to leave. Guess that's why I missed my first flight. No it was really Airtans fault but I'm so thankful that my family came back to get me. I barely made the second flight. ATL's airport is no joke, just fyi.
Lord, I thank you for my little cousin. I thank you for her life. I bled your blood right now over her. Order her steps Lord and allow her to be blessed in everything she puts her hands too. Surround her with your angels and I pray Ps 91 over her as she goes to school. I pray that no hurt, harm or danger would come to her. Lord give her the knowledge she needs. Keep her surrounded by positive, motivating and encouraging people. Thank you for her life. Amen.
This is my buddy D-Rizzy. I took him to Omaha with me since he's never been and I didn't want to travel the roads alone. We had to stop by the Nebraska youth correctional facility when we got there to get some keys. The gps did not take us there so I stopped in a grocery parking lot to ask for dirrections to the Nebraska youth correctional facility and the lady leans in and says oh, are you dropping your son off. Really, my son! I said yes, I am and asked for directions. We laughed and joked all the way to the facility about his no good daddy.
D-riz has been my breath of fresh air. He is so like me it's kind of scary, no pun intended. He just puts a smile on my face. Look at that picture. He was suppose to be sleep while we were in the car but he probably heard the camera shutter.
We ended up going to the Omaha Zoo on the spare of the moment. I'm so glad we did. There zoo is nothing compared to our zoo. They have an aquarium that was apart of their zoo. The price was so worth it and if I lived in Omaha, I would probably go all the time.
We got up early Saturday morning and went to the farmer's market. Um, they still need a little help with that whole process. I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt since many fruits and vegetables are not in season so maybe the farmers haven't harvest their crops yet. It was such a great morning to go down there and a good crowd.
Upper Missouri and and Nebraska area had a flood last year and it really destroyed alot of crop, land, homes and so much more. My sister was unable to come and visit and they finally opened up an highway which took her an extra two hours from Nebraska to Missouri. There is a park called Freedom Park that we went to go visit. Well it used to be Freedom Park. It got flooded and everything is disarrayed. There was a big battle ship on the land that floated to the park. News reported that the ship hadn't been moved from it's original location for more than 50 years. It was just so surreal to see.
Then we went to this park which was 95% woods. Son said it was like something off of the movie "Wrong Turn". Rumor has it that there are different types of people that live there and people have been killed up in the woods, bodies found and so on. It was a little creepy driving up in it. However, the weather felt great because it was cool. We saw a turkey crossing the road and they had a great scenic view. I really enjoyed it and could have stayed up there for a while to just think.
For just a weekend trip. We did so much. I wasn't planning on doing all that we did but had a great time. I'm telling you. When I with son, I feel like I'm living life and don't have a care in the world. Things that if I was by myself and it happened, I would have probably have a melt down and sometimes I can feel it coming on but it quickly vanishes.
We walked on Pedistrian Bridge. My sister has never been up there and one of her homeless kid she used to work with jumped off and committed suicide of of it. I was sooo scaried. Not the fondest of highest and then you can also feel it moving. The view was amazing. I stood just taking in how amazing God is and his creation. I really wanted to stay longer but a storm was a brewing and came in on us. I was freaking out on the inside because, Oh so this bridge goes over the Missouri river and goes from Nebraska to Iowa, depending on where you start. We started on the Nebraska side but when the storm came in, we were on the Iowa side. Let's just say that I picked up the pace a little. You could just see the storms rolling it. It was pretty awesome and surreal at the same time. It started raining hard and we were drenched by the time we got to the car. I felt so happy and free and wanted to dance/play in the rain. Or take pictures. Son was up to it so we took pictures and got back in the car and then the hailstorm came.
I was really upset that my camera stopped working while on this bridge. I could have screamed. So it must mean that I need to go back and take it all in again.
My prayer is that this is a God ordained friendship. I really don't want to mess this up like I do of so many of my friendships. Lord keep my heart right and order our friendship so that it may be pleasing to you.
