I Can Make It

My day was just going until I saw him today.  I get so mad at myself but I get so excited to see him.  He puts a smile on my face and everyone in the room just vanishes.  Today as he peeped around the corner, he really caught my attention.  Love the slick hair look.  It really brought out his face.

He caught me by surprise when he asked about the poem.  I was seriously nervous and holding my tears back as I wanted to share but was not prepared. I finally read it not the way I rehearsed but it came out super fast and I'm sure he didn't comprehend any of it. On the last poem, it was helpful to hear that he thinks the same thing, we are drifting apart.  Mainly because of life.  He said, You will always be my buddy.  For the first time since I've known him, I didn't believe him.  I don't know why.  Even since I've known him, I've believed the words that come out of his mouth.  

As he walked out the door the way he did today,
It ended my Friday in such a way
That I can't deny,
It nearly made me cry.
I held back tears and
The words that I feared
I wanted to chase after him but he's not mine
I wanted to scream and whine
He walked out the door and said I'll see you Monday.
Wow, I was thinking not even Saturday or Sunday?

Excuse my words as I splurge on the feelings you just heard.
I felt like crap and really wanted to snap back
What was that going to prove? 
Nothing only that I disapproved.
Of his actions and his response
And how he walked out so nonchalance

The feelings I had for him, I dare not share
But he walked out on me like he never cared.
The old me wants to come out
Only to protect me from this doubt.

As much as this incident made all feelings semi-vanish for him
He's always the first person I think of to text, call or go to the gym.
I got a invitation in the mail,
I wanted to call and ask him to see if he would sail.

My feelings were hurt and I was mad
I usually dismiss people without feeling bad.
However, I'm struggling not to texted him or facebook,
So I've decided to write this mega book.

I let my guard down was it so wrong?
Now I can't get him out of this song.
I chose to take the chance to open my heart
And would do it again from the very start.

It's going to be a process, this I understand
Today with what happened, I believe now I can withstand.
I'm going to be okay by myself
This will give me time to clean my shelf! :)

Things happen for a reason, this we know
I now see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Really...Really?

Frustration has set in.  It's time like these that I wish I had my Boaz!  Car problems again.  I headed over to a couples house today from church and my check engine light was flashing and car was jerking.  They sure don't make cars like they use too.  I remember cars lasting 15-20 years before you decide to trade them in.

On the news Thursday morning, they showed the top 3 worst jobs to have and #3 Social Work.  Well that's me!  If you keep up with the budget cuts that many state officials are making, it's in the social service realm.  I've worked for a non-profit organization for almost 10yrs now and I understand pinching penny's as my salary is based on grants and if we get approved for those.

I say this to say that those penny's that I pinch go to student loans and I just don't have enough to save up for another car.  I need just a few more years so I can get one paid off and then I can make car payments.  It's even more frustrating because I just had all this work done on my car so I shouldn't be having any problems.  My warrenty expires at the end of the month, so I pray that everything major gets taken care of.

Lord I come to you on my knees.  I want to have my pity party and cry and say why.  But I'm standing on your word that you will never give me more than I can handle and that you are my provider.  I come saying, I trust you Lord.  I trust that you have my best interest at hand, I trust your plan for my life and I trust that you are always working things out on my behalf.  Although at times I feel like I'm in this never ending storm and can't make it anymore, you seem to bring angels across my path to encourage me and remind me of your love.  I need you, this world needs you.  As I take my car in tomorrow, I pray that you are working on my behalf now.  I pray that I will not have to pay anything and the problem will be minimum.  Increase your strength in me, give me peace and the wisdom to make the correct decisions.  Thank you for loving me, hearing my prayers, and having mercy on my life.  Thank you for forgiving me when I mess up but most of all...Thank you for loving me enought that you died on the cross and three days later rising to save me!  By your Blood Jesus I am redeemed!

In Jesus name I pray...Amen