A Little Understanding

"In order to move on, you must understand why you felt what you did and why you no longer need to feel it." --Mitch Albom, Five People You Meet in Heaven

I've been pondering this quote since I've seen it.  For about a month, I just kept thinking.  Well I understood why I felt what I did but I couldn't understand why I no longer needed to feel it.  The only think I kept thinking was because he wasn't mine.

My friend's cousin, posted on ig, "We always want who we can't have...Man, ish sucks"

My response, "And because we want them, doesn't mean we are suppose to have them.  Sucks (meaning hurt also) the same but we must refocus and keep moving forward.  God has someone for you but while you're waiting, let Him work on those areas that need worked on.  Keep your head up."

It was kind of weird, it was almost automatic when I started writing on his post.  I was talking to myself as I was writing it and I needed that word for me just at that moment.  I've heard this word from many people during my struggle with my situation but for some reason, I felt a little release as I was writing it for him.  I wanted to go on and say but this was the word for me, sometimes we can't have them at this moment because it's not meant for us to have them but it may be meant for us to have them later on.

It was at this moment when I read his post that I realized why I no longer need to feel what I felt.  Because I have things that I need to work on in my life so that I can be the woman, wife, mother, and help mate that God has called me to be and I want to be for my spouse.  But more importantly, he has things that he needs to see, work on and understand in order to be the man God has called him to be.

Sometimes we think we are ready for a relationship or ready to be with "the one" for the rest of our lives.  I mean come on, how much longer do we have to wait.  But in reality, there is something that we can always work on.  Even in our married state, we need to work on things about ourselves.  So then you ask, why can't I work on these things while I'm married?  There are some things that need to be worked out as a single person and if it's not corrected before marriage, marriage could end or not turn out how it should.

"Reflect, Refocus, and move Forward"

Thank you Lord for this revelation.  I had been struggling for some time about this situation and did not understand why.  I know you probably got tired of me asking why and crying out to you that I don't understand.  Yet you continue to be there and let me vent to you.  Thank you for being a God who wants the best for me and my life.  Lord as I wait on you, fix those areas in my life that need fixing.  Help me to love me for me and to see me how you see me.  Thank you for always loving me and sending people in my life to show me your love even though it's hard to receive.  Lord help me to receive your love and be comfortable in receiving at not always giving.  I pray your will be done in my life, situation, my friends life and his cousin. Your name I pray Jesus. Amen.

What Am I?

I'm a loner it's so sad,

When I say it I don't get mad.

I've never fit in into one particular group,

Although I did join a Girl Scout troop.

 

We all need people in our life,

Except for me and Lot's wife.

I have good days and bad days where I wish I was in a click.

Just so I can call someone up and say "what's up chick"!

 

Not a true bestie, bff, or bf...that's what I want now,

When I think about it, I just have a cow.

I'm a people person so it's not like I didn't try,

But what a friend once told me nearly made me cry.

It was a compliment and I knew that then,

So I hid my emotions and journaled with a ballpoint pen.

 

 

I've always been just one of the guys,

Never really had girlfriends because I was eating french fries.

I wish now to do those weekend getaways,

I just sit and reminisce about the good ole days.

The life of a loner has it's good days,

Getting peace and quiet and eating Pei Wei's.

 

I'm grateful for the friends I have,

And glad they have crossed my path.

I couldn't run this race without their support,

And of course without the love from above.

 

I'm starting to realize that I've been called not to fit in,

So that's why I thought I was a loner.

I'm not a loaner, a moaner but I'm here to represent my blood donor.

 

 

He gave his life to set me free,

I must show this world he's living in me.

So see, I'm not a loner as it may seem,

I have that flame, that fire that comes from J.C.

I have work to do that requires me to move,

If I'm not in a click, I don't disapprove.

 

Lord, I'm available to you.

Make me, mold me, and even transform me,

To walk this walk with glee but to stay prayerful on my knees.

 

 

My HEART...

My heart hurts because I'm sad,

it even hurts because I'm glad.

I received an answer that I already knew

but hearing it still made me blue.

Deep down inside is where the answered lied

but I played with my flesh and started to cry.

 

He found someone that makes him blush,

when I heard the news, I was just crushed.

I watched as he glowed,

when he talked about her so.

My feelings were true,

I was happy for my boo

because I understood,

how she made him feel so good.

 

The things he feels for her,

are the same things I feel about him.

Wanting to do better, the feeling of being alive

and those butterflies deep down inside.

He wonders if she's the one,

but hesistates because she's too young.

His heart wants to pursue her,

his inner self is saying is it true girl.

Yet fear has control

and sometimes it's hard to let go.

I know this is so true

because this is how I felt about you too.

 

Lord I'm on my knees begging you please

to take these feelings for him away from me.

Let me be the friend he needs

in good times, bad times or whatever it may be.

 

Lord please forgive me of my little faith,

continue to keep me in your Mercy and Grace.

 

Thank you for loving me despite what I do.

thank you for forgiving me for not following you.

 

Prepare me Lord as I wait,

keep me on the narrow and straight.

You are the potter and I am the clay,

Lord mold and make me new each and everyday.

My Daddy-O

Ode to my Daddy-O!  I'm so thankful for my dad.  I am his twin.  His laugh is contagious and his smile is unforgettable.  He's never met a stranger.  He is the most friendliest guy you have or could ever meet.

My dad remains positive through all of his health issues.  You couldn't tell my looking at him but he has congestive heart failure which he does not get blood down to his feet, he's diabetic, and has high blood pressure.  These labels have followed my dad for some time but I'm believing by faith that God will restore health but most importantly spiritual healing. 

I want to move sometimes to Oklahoma to take care of him and to help him get the care he needs.  He doesn't have health insurance and hasn't for over a decade.  He doesn't "qualify".  Being a social worker, I know the system can get confusing and not people-friendly.  I know every state is different but the run around that people get is probably across the board.  Since he doesn't have insurance, he goes to the university hospital where he seems to see a "new" student doctor every 3 months.  So as you can imagine, they all have their own theory and he's always on new medicine.  I pray that I would win the lottery (even though I don't play it) or inherit a million dollars so I can pay his medical bills and get him the quality care that he needs and deserves. 

He always stays so positive through everything.  Although he is always in pain, he always pushes himself for others.  He is always so thoughtful and puts others before himself.  He still the man that will open doors for women (anyone), give up his seat for the elderly or someone else who needs it, willing to pay for the tab, and so much more.  He has so many qualities that I want in my "Boaz".  Speaking of, everytime I see him, he seems to always ask, when is he going to walk me down the isle.  Good ole dad!

"You work hard for your money and you should spend it on whatever you want" is what he always tells me when I'm venting about things that I want but can't afford or contemplating on taking myself out to eat or taking a trip.  This sounds so simple and it is but I tend to make things so complicating and with student loans around every corner, I'm always focused on pay them and not taking care of myself.  He always says those simple things that when I say them to myself it goes out the window but when I hear him say it, it's like a wake up call.

I wish I could spend more time with my dad but being in a different state and not really having a reliable transportation, it's hard. He is only a phone call away and would take my call day or night.

Daddy, I love you!

Thank you Lord for my dad.  I plead your blood Jesus over his life and over his body.  Lord you are the giver of life and your answer is the only answer.  No matter what these doctors say regarding my dad's health, I pray that you will continue to give him favor.  You said in your word that by your stripes we are healed.  I pray for physical healing for my dad's body.  Give him strength everyday to continue to move forward.  Send angels across his path to encourage him and to be the light to your path.  Continue to show him your love, grace and mercy.  Thank you Lord for hearing my prayers.  In Jesus name...Amen.

God's Plan

The last time I wrote on here was the being of another challenge.  On 5/25, I went to go pick up my keys to my new place.  Upon entering my duplex, it was not cleaned, painted, or nothing.  I just broke out in tears.  Just once, I want things to go smoothly, be treated fairly, and not always advocate for myself.  "All my life I had to fight..." was the quote that continued in my head from Color Purple once I left my place and headed to church. The word of the night was boldness.  I left encouraged and talked with my new landlord.  He refused to do what's right as he didn't see any reason.  He did say that he would let me out of my lease and give me my deposit back but where was I going to go.  I had to fight to get out of the place I was at because they did me wrong.  The new landlord just took over these properties and really doesn't know how to manage or what to do.  His reasoning for not doing anything is "they were seminary students".  Um, the last time I checked, being a christian doesn't make you a clean person nor dirty but with them having a big dog and living here for a while, it was only right for him to paint and clean.

I pondered, maybe this wasn't what God had for me.  I was so ready to get out of the place I was at that maybe my blinders were on.  So I put myself through this grief.  I really am smarter than this but because I've never rented from a independent person, all my common sense went out the door and I am too trusting at times and this was one of them.  I signed my lease 2 weeks before I got my key.  I just trusted the landlord when he said he was going to paint and get the apartment ready.  He said he was going to paint but it didn't look like it needed it and why get a professional cleaner when I was going to clean it anyways. 

So this is what I moved in to...

Landlord tells me days before movers come, the stairs must be removed to get box springs upstairs.  He said he would leave the screwdriver and to ask the movers to put the stairs back on when they get it up or to leave it downstairs and he would get some buddies to move it up.  I asked for the stairs to be put back on as I didn't think the movers would put the stairs back (I was right).  He didn't put the stairs back and the movers kept all the boxes downstairs, so sad.  The landlord did come the next day to help move boxes upstairs.  However, I didn't want to do that, so that's why I was paying people.

Landlord tells me while I'm asking for my apartment to be right, I cleaned the stove for you.  Um, the last time I checked, you have to lift the hood of the range to get fully cleaned (I'm just saying).  Yes, I had to go buy my own drip pans too.

These aren't my items.

I asked if this could be fixed/cleaned...still waiting, he said he would send the plumber out to see what he can do.  The whole sink is like this. 

This is exhaust fan that doesn't work.  I couldn't even get this cleaned  Unfortunately it's still like this.

 These are just a few pictures of what I dealt with.  Not to mention the ants and dog hair that is still being vacuumed up.  Since I moved in like this, I've excepted the conditions as is.  I've cleaned for 4 days and I think I became a little OCD during the process.  My mom came down to help and said, everything looks good, it's not new items so some of the markings and stains are going to be there.  I still find myself pulling out the bleach clorox wipes and cleaning things.

Also, the reason the other family moved was because of the neighbors.  The landlord said, I would need to call the police one time and he would have me covered.  He said he already had 2 people in line for the unit next door.  Yes, they are loud but nothing yet to call the police about.  Besides the oldest son car being so loud, you can here him come in at 1, 2, and 3 in the morning, and them exceeding the limit on trash and adding their trash to mine since I'm under the limit, and the cigarette smoke invading my upstairs...it hasn't been that bad.

I am so thankful for my mother.  She has really helped make this house into a home.  She unpacked my downstairs, mopped, vacuumed, hung pictures up, and completed the kitchen as well as some of upstairs. 

I say that maybe I didn't fully listen to God and this wasn't his plan but I believe that God will make even our wrong/bad decisions into His glory.  The ladies in my bible study at church say that maybe God has me here for my neighbor.  Time to have a house warming party aka Holy Ghost oil anointing party--bring on the cotton balls.  All joking aside, I do need to anoint the new place.  I usually do that before I move stuff in but was a little distracted.  My prayer is that I get ALL my deposit back from what I went through.

I will say, I'm starting to feel more comfortable in this place daily.  I made my first dinner tonight.  I will say, not having a microwave has thrown me off but I can manage without a microwave.  I really can!!



Salmon, broccoli, and corn bread stuffing w/ fruit punch kool-aid

I really have been trying to remain positive about my new place through it all.  I will say that I'm thankful for my garage.  After already having two hail storms, my baby doesn't have any new love marks.  I'm thankful for the great weather we have been having.  With no central air and just window units, it hasn't been bad at all.  I'm thankful for the stairs-yes that ones that are back in place but just being able to get more exercise.  I'm thankful that mile wise, I'm the same distant but time wise at least 10 minutes quicker to get home, yay!

Lord, I thank you that you are the God of my life.  Thank you for loving me even when I don't make the best decisions for my life.  Thank you for being there and listening to me cry and vent as well as rejoicing with me during the good times.  Lord, I pray Ps. 91 over me and my new place.  I pray that this new place when be blessed and used for your glory.  As your angels encamp me and this place, I pray no hurt, harm or danger will come up me and the things you have blessed me with.  Keep me safe and protected under your wings.  You have a plan for my life and Lord, I pray that I will hear you more than ever.  Thank you for your love, your mercy, your grace, and your faithfulness.  In Jesus Name, Amen.

Out of the Mouth's of Babe's

Happy Mother's Day!

I love you Momma and I wish I was with you during this weekend.  I'll see you in a couple of weeks!

This day more than past year's has made me a little emotional.  I have been more sensitive to what people say, even though they mean nothing by it.

I do not have any children but I've helped raised cousins, nieces and nephews along with the children at my community center.  Just because you can have children or do have children, that doesn't make you any more of a mother than those who can't have children or don't have children. 

Friday, as one of my co-workers were leaving, she say's, "Good-bye, have a good weekend and Happy..."  Then she tell's the other worker, Oh, I guess I can't say that to her, I was going to say Happy Mother's Day.  "Well Happy big people day" and starts talking to the other worker as they walk out the building, I guess she's a mother to many of these kids and the other one says, yeah she is, she was just out there getting onto a little kid in the park.  When they left, I just sat there and said to myself, Really, Really...why can't she just keep her mouth shut!

So when I was leaving, I have to walk by the park to get to my car.  It never fails, when I walk to my car, I get bum rushed by kids.  Well today, it was a little 5year old who is in my center.  She runs up to me and says Ms. Melissa can I go home with you and be your daughter as she holds my hand.  This little girl I believe is God sent.  Everyday she always compliments me on something, gives me a hug and says she misses me.  She's only 5 but she recognizes things that my co-workers or even the older kids don't. 

My little buddy!

So we proceed with our conversation as I'm still walking to my car...
Me: No you can't go home with me.
Her:  You don't want me to be your daughter?
Me: I would love for you to be my daughter but your mommy would be said if you went home with me and she could see you.  (Now granted, she is 1 of 7 kids) And besides, my daughter's name would be Leah.  What's your name?
Her: She says her name.
Me:  See you can't be my daughter, her name would be Leah.
Her:  Oh, my name is Leah.
Me: No it's not, you just told me your name.

Still walking to the car as she is holding my hand and we are swinging our hands.
Me: So what's your name?
Her:  The name you want your daughter.
Both: We started laughing. 

As I'm walking out in the street, I tell her that she needs to go back into the park so she won't get in trouble.  But she continues toward my car.  Again I tell her, get back in the park now.  She says, I want to go home with you.  I said you can't but I will see you on Monday okay.  She walks back into the park.  As I get in my car and start it, she runs to the fence and started talking to me.  I waved by to her.  As I looked back in the rearview mirror, she's running down the sidewalk saying Noooooo, don't go.  I took a picture but you can't see it that well.  Such a heart breaker.

Out of the mouth's of babe's...they can change your whole mood just by the simple things they say.  The Lord knew I needed that just then.  He was right on time!  Thank you Lord for my kiddos.  I thought I would share some photo's of me and some of my kiddos they took with me.



Teaching some of my older girls how to prepar Thanksgiving dinner. 
(Remind me to share the funny story about this later)

One of my kids who graduated last year, she has been in my program since she was 11 yrs old.




The kids loved taking pictures in the snow!  Who knew!

 

Seen the Red crayola by the Crayola Cafe, just had to take a picture.



Okay, this is the only one he would let me take but came out good. 
With most of my boys, I have to do surprise pics.



These are my faithful girls.  I see them everyday!



Only got on the horse because the kids wanted me too.  I was so ready to get down.  One of my boys was easing the horse because it had a attitude.

Also this past week, a mom (who all three of her kids are in my programs) came to me and said so when are you going to do things with the adults.  I said, I do have things for the adults but you all don't seem to come out.  I come out Ms. Melissa.  Yes, you do and there are about 3-5 faithful people but what about the other 130 people.  Well, Ms. Melissa, my kids never want to leave you and they always get upset when it's time for me to pick them up.  When we are at home, they always talk about you and how they need to get to the center to see you.  I want to know you like my kids know you.  I want to understand when they talk about you.  All I can say is Wow (I don't want to know me sometimes)!!  When I think I'm not making a difference and all my effort is in vain, God shows up!

I thank you Lord for my mom.  For the values she has installed in me.  I thank you Lord for my kid's mom.  Thank you for allowing their kids to participate in my programs.  Lord, I pray that I will be the light in their lives that is missing.  I pray that I will be more positive and that their environment does not effect me but that I affect it.  We are here because of you and you know the plans for my life and the kids that I see.  I pray Lord for salvation and that you will be the change in their life they need.  Thank you for loving me.

Time to Let Go

Disclaimer:  I am not perfect.  I fall daily, hourly, and by the second.  My thoughts are not always what they should be and my actions sometimes aren't the best.

**Warning: This is a vent session, sorry!**

It's time to say good-bye to our friendship.  I don't say this easily because I cherish friendships and it's so hard to find good friends. 

I will admit that I lost a GREAT friendship.  Although it was probably a mix of both of us but I will take the jist of it because of emotions.  So the above quote, I can testify along with many of us.  Have you lost a friendship that was God given and because of whatever the situation may be parted?  Have you prayed for restoration of that friendship?  I would love to hear success stories. 

This friend/co-worker is a little over 15yrs older but you would think that she is younger by the way she acts.  She is a very sweet person but she is letting her personal life situation control her emotions as well as she is almost 50 years old and is using the "age right of passage" excuse.  What's the "ARP" excuse you ask?  It's when you say, "When you get my age, you have the right to..."; "At my age, I just don't care what I say."; or "I've been through so much at my age...".

She already has that "all about me" personality and for the last 3 years, it's gotten worse.  I try to think about the good things and don't let how she is acting now affect how I feel but I see treating her that way she treats me.  Well I made a comment once and it wasn't nice but she just signed a lease for a new car and the color of the car was a hunter green.  I didn't like the color mainly because I had to get used to it.  She asked if I liked the color of her car and I said no.  Now I would usually be more settle about it but I just flat out said no and she thought that was mean that I said that.

I got her something for Christmas this past year and she only got me something because I got her something but that's besides the point.  The next day she said, thank you for the gift but I don't like re-gifting gifts but I'm trying to figure out who I could give your gift to.  I really don't like the smell of the lotion and body wash because of the sandlewood.  I was so shocked and hurt that I just agreed and went with the flow.  Then the following day, she gives me a gift and said I know you are going to like your gift because I like it.  I wanted to say so bad, I bet I will but I need a gift to give away to someone else and I'm going to do that but I didn't.

Her birthday was last week, on the same day as a going away party for another co-worker.  So they both got gifts.  Not a thank you for my gifts but as soon as the other co-worker came in to thank me for her gifts and cards, she came in and said thanks for the card, it was great.  We'll the card isn't as great as I normally pick out, which I told her that but she insisted it was.It just didn't feel sincere.

Today when I came in, a co-worker said oh, you got a new doo and attitude huh!  I said I did get a new doo but not a new attitude.  Well she leaves her office, comes to my door and looks at me and then leaves to go talk with the other worker.  Then 5 mins later, she comes back to my office and looks at me again and then walks away to her office.  Inside, I was thinking really?  I can't believe she is doing this.  Then about an hour and a half later she comes back to my office and says, your hair does what my hair does in this kind of weather.  You probably had good curls yesterday...and I interrupt and said no, I didn't have good curls yesterday.  I couldn't believe what was coming out of her mouth.  JUST DON'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL, your ACTIONS said enough!!  As she walked aways, she just repeated what I said about not having any curls on Sunday.

I know there are ups and downs to friendship and I've told her about the ways she's been acting and how it's unfair to everyone in the office and how she is not the only one going through things.  We all do but we don't bring it to work.  She said she knows that she is acting different but proceeded to talk about all the work she has to do and everything else.  Side note:  She has a staff of 5.  I have a staff of 1 (me).  And sometimes they have a staff of 6 because I'm helping them out alot but I have to beg to get assistance from them.

I say it's time because I've given all I can.  I've given advice, after advice, after advice but there comes a point when you have to stand and walk it out on your own (a message that I need to adhere to myself).  I give her advice all the time but she goes to alot of people to get advice and they tell her the exact same thing I so and when she tells me, it's like it's the first time she heard it and I always tell her.  It sounds like something I mentioned to you.  She says she knows but...

When I leave, saying good-bye will not be hard.  I'm ready and have had enough.  Once I'm gone and God is ready to move in the friendship, I won't resist but right now.  It's good-bye until we meet again and I'll be praying for you.

I must make a vow that I will NOT become my surrounding and let the Love of the Lord shine through me even when my flesh wants to knock people out take over.  I think that maybe I'm reaping what I've sowed in friendship.  Whatever is going on, I must stand and be kind.

I continue to think about how I've acted in friendships lost BUT I've been forgiven and many times it's hard for me to forgive myself.  I must use mercy just like my heavenly father has done for me and also use the wisdom he has given me.

Thank you Lord for friendships.  Thank you for allowing us to connect with one another on this earth while we wait to be in your presence.  We can only be who we think we are and I thank you that I am your daughter.  Royality.  Help me Lord to walk in royality and the most you have for my life.  Lord, bring those friendships in my life that will uplift me and I them.  Help me to forgive just like you have forgiven me.  Forgive me Lord for the unkindness I exhibit.  Help me to be a better friend and sow the seeds of a good and Godly friend.  Strenghten and increase my friendship circle according to the plans for my life.  I pray for restoration of those friendships that need to be restored.  I pray that they be better than before and friends will walk in true forgiveness.  In Jesus name, Amen.

5.1.11

On Sunday, May 1, 2011, I came home around 10:30p from Women's bible study.  I turned on the TV and what did I see?  Breaking news that Osama bin laden had been killed by US troops and the last 2 mins of President Obama's speech.

The news people on fox 4 had gotten Osama name wrong, it said Usama, so at first I was confused until they showed his picture.

I get on fb and it was confirmed that Osama bin laden is dead.  I continue to watch the news and my heart weeped as I watched people rejoicing and partying as if we won the superbowl or some type of sporting event.  My heart sunk even more when I read on facebook, people bashing the President.  I will say, I do not know what his speech was about because I heard really nothing but there was alot of hateful words being said about the President regarding this situation.

I felt like an alien in this world because I could NOT find it anywhere in my soul to be happy.  Someone was KILLED.  Yes, I remember what he did, I remember the bad things that I've done, and I remember Jesus dying on the cross, even for ole bin.  I am by far a holy roller, nor do I think that I'm above anyone else.  We all deal with situations in our own way and I am not judging.  I'm just sharing what I feel.  I really shocked myself by my reaction and I thought I would be happy.  Does this make me any less of an American?  Maybe it was because I'd just came from bible study, I don't know.

As I listened to people's comment all day regarding the situation, I seen and heard hate.  It was really hard to explain to people what I was feeling and why.  When I did share, people did not understand.  I want to thank KLove today because on my way home, I actually felt like my reaction was the right reaction and that I wasn't alone.  People were calling in, they were reading fb status and notes from people regarding yesterday's incident. 

I don't know why I responded the way I did (Thank you Jesus, you get the glory) but I do know that I will leave you with a quote from Martin Luther King, Jr regarding this situation...

"I will mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that." ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

Thank you Jesus for loving me.  I am a sinner whose freedom and salvation was bought by your blood.  I am grateful that I am covered by your blood and so are my family members and friends.  Lord, I need you everyday of my life and so does this world.  Thank you for having grace and mercy on my life.  Thank you for forgiving me of the things that I do and think that are not of you.  In Jesus name, Amen.

Really...Really?

Frustration has set in.  It's time like these that I wish I had my Boaz!  Car problems again.  I headed over to a couples house today from church and my check engine light was flashing and car was jerking.  They sure don't make cars like they use too.  I remember cars lasting 15-20 years before you decide to trade them in.

On the news Thursday morning, they showed the top 3 worst jobs to have and #3 Social Work.  Well that's me!  If you keep up with the budget cuts that many state officials are making, it's in the social service realm.  I've worked for a non-profit organization for almost 10yrs now and I understand pinching penny's as my salary is based on grants and if we get approved for those.

I say this to say that those penny's that I pinch go to student loans and I just don't have enough to save up for another car.  I need just a few more years so I can get one paid off and then I can make car payments.  It's even more frustrating because I just had all this work done on my car so I shouldn't be having any problems.  My warrenty expires at the end of the month, so I pray that everything major gets taken care of.

Lord I come to you on my knees.  I want to have my pity party and cry and say why.  But I'm standing on your word that you will never give me more than I can handle and that you are my provider.  I come saying, I trust you Lord.  I trust that you have my best interest at hand, I trust your plan for my life and I trust that you are always working things out on my behalf.  Although at times I feel like I'm in this never ending storm and can't make it anymore, you seem to bring angels across my path to encourage me and remind me of your love.  I need you, this world needs you.  As I take my car in tomorrow, I pray that you are working on my behalf now.  I pray that I will not have to pay anything and the problem will be minimum.  Increase your strength in me, give me peace and the wisdom to make the correct decisions.  Thank you for loving me, hearing my prayers, and having mercy on my life.  Thank you for forgiving me when I mess up but most of all...Thank you for loving me enought that you died on the cross and three days later rising to save me!  By your Blood Jesus I am redeemed!

In Jesus name I pray...Amen