Day 10: Thankful for Words

"The power of life and death is in our tongues..." Prov 18:21

We can encourage people or we can tear people apart with our words.  I don't think we really realize how much power we have.  How important our words mean to people.

I guess specifically...God's word.

Creflo said in his sermon today that's it's important to stand and speak God's word not speaking positive words.  I'm not saying don't speak positive words but when we are standing and trying to get through a storm, God's word is what's going to get us through.  Being positive helps but God's word has power.

During my transition, it's been pretty tough as negative words are being said, my supervisor has been saying things that haven't helped because she want's me to stay and the kids have been making me cry.  However, the positive words that people have been saying have really helped and it's really speaking to my spirit.  I'm not normally a person who needs that but it's been hard and their encouragement is making me strong literally.  I'm so glad that I have faith right now and I've been standing on it.

A friend who doesn't speak to me as much texted me today and said, "Rejoice in the midst of your struggles."  I needed to hear that because the change of everything is really getting to me.  I'm going to get through this but I need to give God the praises through it all.

Life is not easy and the challenges we face are not always easy but we can make it with God and can as long as we rejoice.

The word in the house of God these past two Sunday's have been to "stand".

I'm telling you, with only 2 days of work left.  I want to say some choice words to some people but I'm standing on my character and values and not falling into my flesh.  I'm just so tired of the snakes and I'm so worried about my friend who still has to work with them.  All I can do is use my words and pray for him which I do, more than me at times.

Again, I'm thankful for words and the life that is spoken into my life, the prayers that have been prayed over me and God's word.

What Am I?

I'm a loner it's so sad,

When I say it I don't get mad.

I've never fit in into one particular group,

Although I did join a Girl Scout troop.

 

We all need people in our life,

Except for me and Lot's wife.

I have good days and bad days where I wish I was in a click.

Just so I can call someone up and say "what's up chick"!

 

Not a true bestie, bff, or bf...that's what I want now,

When I think about it, I just have a cow.

I'm a people person so it's not like I didn't try,

But what a friend once told me nearly made me cry.

It was a compliment and I knew that then,

So I hid my emotions and journaled with a ballpoint pen.

 

 

I've always been just one of the guys,

Never really had girlfriends because I was eating french fries.

I wish now to do those weekend getaways,

I just sit and reminisce about the good ole days.

The life of a loner has it's good days,

Getting peace and quiet and eating Pei Wei's.

 

I'm grateful for the friends I have,

And glad they have crossed my path.

I couldn't run this race without their support,

And of course without the love from above.

 

I'm starting to realize that I've been called not to fit in,

So that's why I thought I was a loner.

I'm not a loaner, a moaner but I'm here to represent my blood donor.

 

 

He gave his life to set me free,

I must show this world he's living in me.

So see, I'm not a loner as it may seem,

I have that flame, that fire that comes from J.C.

I have work to do that requires me to move,

If I'm not in a click, I don't disapprove.

 

Lord, I'm available to you.

Make me, mold me, and even transform me,

To walk this walk with glee but to stay prayerful on my knees.

 

 

Moving On

Moving on is hard to do,
Especially when you care about someone special like I do.
His life is progressing
And no I don't think it's depressing.
I'm battling on the inside,
from my head to my heart,
all the emotions I had from the very start.
If this is what it feels like to let your guard down,
for some odd reason, I think I'd rather drown.
I did this to myself, I can't blame anyone
but for some odd reason I hear Antoine Dodson saying, "You are really really dumb"!

My feelings for him are subsiding
And now all I want to do is go in hiding.
Other thoughts are going through my heard
But I've been trying to rebuke them because the enemy wants me dead.
It's not because of him or anything he did,
Sometimes I just go through these cumbersome times.
It's coming at a time that's hard indeed,
when I feel like I'm losing my friend, my partner, my buddy!

I've thought and I wondered but mostly pondered,
I hope it's not me that's pushing him away,
All because my feelings got in the way.

From my view, I feel like we are drifting apart,
I hope it's not time for our friendship to depart.
They say people in your life are seasons
And everything happens for a reason.

How do you move on?
How do you go back to being strong?
I'm trying to move forward without regret,
Does that mean that I need to forget.
How he made me feel, the trips that we took,
the plans we've talked about, Oh I could write a book.

I'm moving on, that's what I'm doing,
I hope things work out and doesn't go capooie!
I'm moving on and that feeling is so strong,
I'm letting him live his life and I'm not going to throw my thong.

Life is going good for him, he's motivated, happy and hopeful,
I will keep praying that he stays on a positive track
And hopefully he will feel that God has his back.

One last selfish prayer that I ask in your name
that you would please open some doors in my life.
I'm tired, I'm drained, I'm an emotinal wreck,
Some days, I just need someone to rub my neck.
Since there is no sign of Boaz in this near future,
I'm hoping change in my life will keep me fruitful.
I'm moving on...it feels without my buddy.

My Place

"Place in this World" by Michael W. Smith was a song we sung in youth choir at church my senior year in high school. 

We all go through life looking for our place in this world.  Some find it and some continue to roam and look.  I work with people who do not know their place in this world and they are just living.  I get sad because many of them don't have an outlet or hope for their life to get better. 

One of my kids who is 15yrs old just moved from the area.  She wasn't too happy about it and I was letting her know that life is so much better than how she is living now.  This young lady has so much potential but she does not see it in herself.  She will post on fb everyday about the drama, boyfriend issues, who wants to fight her and she wants to fight, how she's crying every night, and on and on.  As I tried to encourage her and get her excited about her new environment, she says, I like the drama and I don't know how to live without it.  My heart just sanked. 

However, I too understand how she feels.  Not on the same magnitude.  You just get so complacent in your environment and you learn to function in your mess or comfort zone and fear of the unknown keeps you stuck even when the unknown could be so much better for you.

By the age of 30, Jesus was walking in God's will for his life.  I think about that all the time.  As I've seen this age come and go, I sometimes feel that I'm looking for my place in this world.  When I'm focused on Him, He shows me how I am in the right place at the right time.

The life of a social worker is never done.  I personally get burnt out and look to Jesus, family and friends for the pick me up to keep going.  You get to a point where you just don't want to work with people, be around people, or talk to people.  That might be why I REALLY enjoy being at home by MYSELF.  Which I'm fully aware that's the enemy working because we need people.

Lately, there have been people coming into my life that need little things (well to me) and I've been taking joy and giving them the advice and resources needed.  I feel so complete when I'm able to help people who need a little advice or assistance but want to do it themselves.  I was just referenced last week as someone's guidance counselor.  Now someone who has a degree in that probably wouldn't be so happy but one of the many hats of a social worker.

I guess I'll wrap up in saying, I hope that I'm where I'm suppose to be in life.  We all want to feel and be needed by others even though we say we don't or it doesn't matter.  For me, I want to also be making a difference.  I don't want my life to be invalid or pointless. 

Living Life

So often, I feel like I'm just going through life.  Not really living it but just going through it.  There are moments that I live life and I enjoy it and sometimes think, why don't I do this all the time.

This month, I felt like I've been living life and wanted to share those moments.

 Fall brings FOOTBALL.  I love me some Sooner and Chief's football. I've attended two NFL games this year and enjoyed my experience at the Chiefs game.

I've always wanted to go to Weston, Missouri and I went this month with my church's single's group.  We had such great weather and the Irish fest was going on the same time, so it was extremely packed with people.  We had a lunch at the park which would be worth going back to again.

I went to the Maple Festival again in Baldwin, Kansas.  Lorie and I went last year for the first time and had a great time.  This year I invited Erica, Nemo and Lana to experience the festival and they loved it.  I was on a mission this year to bring back some Mango Salsa and to find the lady that sold casserole covers and get a OU one.  Get to the salsa table and they were out.  She did sale me their last sample jar which didn't have a label on it, so it was 50 cents cheaper.  The good news is that they have finally branched out to the Kansas City area in Overland Park, KS.  You better believe they will be no stranger to me.  Best mango salsa ever!!

The Hill's, a couple from church have been God sent.  They have been my Kansas City parents.  They invited me to Springfield, Mo to go visit their grandchildren.  I had such a good time.  Luci (4yrs), Calla (2yrs) and Seeley (2mths).  We took them to the pumpkin patch, played and they showed me how they can fit in the play kitchen stove and dishwasher, tried on their halloween costumes, and prepared for a bon fire event they were having.  Learned that pumpkins start out green.  I guess I really never thought about it until I saw the green ones and learned they turn orange.  I thought it was the neatest thing.  Also learned there is a difference between a mule, donkey, and burro.  I've just classified them all as donkey's but they are different.  You can always learn new things, keep your eyes and ears open.

While in Springfield, I went shooting.  I shot an AK47 and 357 mag.  I passed on the 44 mag as it seemed a little too powerful.  I was so scared to shoot the guns.  On tv, they make it seem like it's nothing but these equipments were so powerful and loud.  I was informed I have a long ways to go still in order to go hunting.  I shot from 25 feet away and I thought it was pretty challenging and still scary.  I hit the target but not the dot that I was aiming for.  I want to get more practice shooting and not be so scaried shooting them.  I'm going to need to find a partner who wouldn't mind taking classes with me. Humm, that may be challenging and I may have to take this one alone.

On our way home, we stopped in Osceola to sample some cheese.  This place is worth the hour and a half drive to go visit again.  They had tons of cheese and other things to try and a gift store with some really neat things.  We stopped and had chili cheese fries with my new pirate friend.  It wasn't happy that I had to leave him.

I've been meeting new people and getting out of the house on the weekends.  It's been nice.  I'm so used to going to work--coming home and eat--go to bed and do it all over again.  Then when the weekend comes, I just stay in bed ALL day. No joke.  I love it.  However, I also enjoying doing what I've been doing for the past two months.  Being around people, going to festivals, making memories and taking pictures.

I want to be and do what God has for my life.  I know He does not want me sleeping my life away.  That is not what I'm called to do or be but yet it makes me happy many times to do nothing.

Lord, thank you for the opportunity to be around people and to meet new people.  Thank you for letting me experience life and the good it has to offer.  I know this life is temporary and the things of this world will one day be gone.  I pray that I take advantage of the time you have given me in this world and not take for granted family, friends, and time.  I pray as I continue to see Your will for my life, that I use the wisdom you have given me to make the right choices.  Thank you for your Grace and Mercy.  Thank you for loving me just for me.  In Jesus Name, Amen.

New Beginnings

I wrote this on 12/29/2010 on my other blog but after much thought, I have decided to start a new blog for this new transition in my life.  The other blog was for a specific time and moment.  I had started blogging as I was staying with family due to having financial struggles with my student loans.  I was unable to really "live" on my own.  My aunt had open her doors and home to me and allowed me to stay with them and save money.  So I decided to keep a blog of the kids and family things so other family members could keep in touch.  They have since moved as you will read below.
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For the last several months, there has been alot of changes. The big change is that my family has moved to Hotlanta, well it's been cold there now. According to my uncle, the cold weather is not ready to release them. This blog was orginally made to keep everyone informed of the kids life but they are gone and no more pictures to take.

I've been thinking hard for the last two months, what I would do with this blog. As I have been blog surfing more and more and discovered the RSS feed button, I have come to the conclusion that I will continue the blog and change the focus of it to more of my life and that way my family in different states can see what I've been up to. This will require me to get up and out more and start mingling. What do I say to that, NOOooo. I love my couch, my books, and my sudoku puzzles. However, if mister right is suppose to find me, he's not going to come to my door looking for me. Then a friend mentioned, if that's the case, it's going to be the FedEX man or the pizza guy. FedEX employee's make good money, wink wink. This big family that I want is not going to just fall out of the air as cool as that would be.

I am going to master this "blog thing" and get going and write about my new adventures for 2011. So this year to help me move forward, I am going to set goals or what people call New Year's Resolutions. For the past couple of years, I have not set any because I felt like it's a big set up and I would just set goals throughout the year. I think sometimes we get overly with our resolutions which ultimately overwhelms us and we do nothing that we set out to do. As I really contemplate 5 important things that I want to accomplish for 2k11, the list only gets bigger. I will narrow my list down and write them down later.